Dreams of You
by Aerilon452
Summary: Helen falls asleep at her desk and dreams of John. Spoilers for HAUNTED.


Summary: Helen falls asleep at her desk and dreams of John. (oneshot) Spoilers for HAUNTED

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Sanctuary

Rating: K

**DREAMS OF YOU:**

In dreams he came to her and he was the gentle man he used to be. His arms came around her, shielded her from their past. '_I love you, for all eternity. Remember that.'_ John's words haunted her, made tears well up in her eyes, and broke her heart. All these years, all those murders, were not of John's doing. She had told him that it would be too easy to blame all the evil on that evil entity, but Helen had wanted to believe. She had wanted to believe so much that her John had come back, and she had seen the truth of that in his eyes, heard it in his voice. It had always been his voice that melted her mind, made her heart race, and washed over her senses. She had spent hours listening to him talk, just talking interspersed with laughing and wicked smiles. Helen loved John's voice. Even before he had turned, his voice had taken on that darkly sinister nature and his wickedly sinful laugh; it was laugh that had torn right through her and made her mind conjure dark desires. But that was not this dream, this dream was John being gentle and keeping the cold at bay.

In dreams she could believe that they were together, that they still loved, and that nothing had changed. In dreams John was there with gentle kisses and soft caress. He was there and she was whole, happy, and loved by John. When she opened her eyes, rose out of the dream world, she knew John would be gone, be infected by that malevolent force that had corrupted him and stolen him from her. So much had been taken from her, so much was gone. Helen was tired of losing. But in her dreams John was hers; holding her and being the gentle man she had fallen for and loved so many years ago.

But right now, in this dream, John was with her and he was holding her close against his strong chest while she let her tears flow. He rocked back and forth whispering soothing words and running his hand up and down her back in an effort to calm her tears. This was her john, the gentle John who had claimed her heart, made her laugh while giving her love that the Gods would envy. This John kissed her, kissed her tears away. He smiled at her. He teased her. He took her hand and laced their fingers just before he took her lips again in a soft, subtle kiss that had Helen melting. She wanted him to hold her for the eternity he had spoken of; promised her he would give her.

"Magnus?"

A hand reached out from the dark and touched her arm, gentling shaking. Helen opened her eyes, broke the dream, looking out at her own office with Will standing in front of her desk, "Yes, Will, what can I do for you?" Helen cleared her throat and saw she had started to write John's name before succumbing to sleep.

"Are you ok?" Will inquired dropping into one of the chairs.

"I'm fine, Will," Helen lied through her teeth. She was anything but fine, and she wouldn't be fine anytime soon. John made a conscious choice to take the entity back into him, to become evil again. Helen felt what was left of her heart tear to shreds and al because of Jon. They had never been easy together and now would be torture.

"It's safe to say that I don't believe you because I found you asleep at your desk. I know that it can't be easy for you, with what Druitt said to you before…" Will trailed off at the look on his boss and friends face. It was a look of genuine pain; she was in pain.

"It was him Will, the man you saw just before…" Helen drew in a breath and rose from her chair to stand in the exact place John had stood before she had unleashed him on the Cabal, "That was the John I knew at Oxford ." She could feel her hands shaking, her heart beat increasing.

"What he did was a noble sacrifice. That thing would have killed us all." He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. Will could see that Magnus needed the human connection, just the touch of friendship, but it wouldn't be enough to abate the pain he knew she was feeling. Her hand gripped his and Will could feel ice, Helen's hand were ice cold.

Helen dropped her hand, rubbed them together, but nothing could alleviate the cold in her heart, "I've lost him twice and my heart hurts more now than it did then. But what hurts the most is that I have no knowledge on how to help him short of killing him." She walked away from Will, just a few short steps enough to shake off his hands.

"You'll figure it out in your spare time," He said, trying to be positive as he came up to her side.

"When do I have spare time?" She asked and looked at him

"When do you sleep?" Will retorted and angled his head to see Magnus, "Ah, I see a smile."

Helen smiled; it was a small smile, but still a smile because Will was right. She was the one person in all of Sanctuary who could survive on little or no sleep; longevity was a plus. There was more time for research and when she had the time she would find a way to save John. She had no other option, she needed to save him, to help him and make him whole. But first she needed to figure out how to isolate the entity in him, and that meant Helen had a lot of work to do.


End file.
